Erling Haaland is the only man who can unite America
Unfortunately for Republicans, he is Norwegian.
In a summer of ICE raids, war and political misery, America finally found its unifying figure: a 6-foot-5 Norwegian striker built like a Viking tank.
Erling Haaland has seven goals in this World Cup. He is blond. He is enormous. He eats heart and liver. He is Thor in Fendi. On the field, he looks less like a soccer player than a Norse god who ha…
